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1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And, quickly! Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, mix it with single-malt scotch and make it even more rare! You can’t find eggnog any other time of the year, so drink up and enjoy! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories per ounce? It’s not as if you’re going to become an “eggnog-aholic” unless of course you over imbibe with the scotch in which case the odds are still in favor because it’s only one time a year! Have one for me while you’re at it!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it.That’s the whole point of gravy isn’t it? Gravy never stands alone. Pour it on. Make a grinch volcano mountain out of your smashed potatoes and pur it on! Fill it with grave. Eat and repeat.

4. As for smashed potatoes- always ask if they’r emade with skim or whole milk. If it’s skim milk, run! Why bother? It’s like buying an Alfa Romeo sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a Christmas party. It will only help to control you’re eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for FREE! And, lots of it! Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between Thanksgiving and New Year’s! You can do that in January when you have nothing better to do and have eaten all the leftovers. This is the time for long naps which you’ll need while watching football after circling the buffet table with a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog!

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. if you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again!

8. Same for Apple, Pumpkin and Mincemeat pies. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two pumpkin and one apple, but always have three.

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it like the plague! Have some standards! Instead of a piece of fruitcake, have another slice of apple pie.

10. One final tip.If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention! Reread my tips, start over, but hurry, Januray is right around the corner.

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